I set the phone down, just as Abby slides hers from the
pocket of her jeans and starts furiously tapping the
screen. The intense concentration on her face morphs into a
scowl before she throws the phone onto the carpet near her
bedroom door in frustration.
โYikes.โ I raise my eyebrows at her.
โI want it on record that I did not want to talk to you
about this tonight,โ she says fiercely.
I reach for the remote and pause her show. โHuh. You know,
I could almost have guessed that myself.โ
โItโs not fair to dump this on you tonight after the
Warwick thing,โ Abby exclaims.
โDump what onโโ
โLuca is making me tell you and I want you to know that
before I evenโฆyou knowโโ she exhales in frustration โโtell
you.โ
โOkay,โ I say, softening my tone. โThis is all Lucaโs
fault, got it. Now what is โthisโ?โ
Abby squeezes her eyes shut very tight and draws in a deep
breath. When she finally speaks, her words tumble out so
close to one another it sounds like sheโs saying one
ridiculously long word.
โIโve-decided-to-have-a-baby-on-my-own-and-today-I-asked-
Luca-if-he-would-be-my-sperm-donor. I know this might seem
sudden, but I want you to trust me when I say that this is
what I need to do. And thatโs final.โ
When she opens her eyes again, a moment or two has passed,
but Iโm still staring at her, slack-jawed at her
announcement. I think Iโd have been less surprised if she
told me she was moving to Antarctica or that sheโd decided
to shave her head.
Abby as a mom? Yes. I can very easily imagine that. I know
that on the bookshelf in her โcave,โ she already has a
binder full of information about parenting, complete with
preferred schools for a hypothetical child, and a list of
possible baby names. Sheโs made no secret of the fact that
she desperately wants kids.
Abby as a single mom? Sure. Sheโs tough, caring and
capable.
But Abby choosing to be a single mom, at thirty years old?
Nothing about that makes sense. Abby has that damned binder
on her bookshelf precisely because she is the kind of
person who plans her life carefully and sheโs been thinking
about her sickeningly stereotyped nuclear family forever.
Itโs not just potential children sheโs put an immense
amount of thought intoโitโs also her potential future
husband, and the life she wants to build with him.
โButโฆโ Even when my voice decides itโs ready to work again,
my brain is still catching up. It doesnโt matter, because
Abby silences me with a fierce wave of her hand.
โAnd itโs not something weโre going to discuss tonight
because youโve had a tough day, itโs late and Iโm feeling
very emotional about it and Iโm not even close to being
ready to explain to you why this is happening. Weโll talk
about it in a few days when Luca has decided if heโs going
to do it. Okay? And donโt you even think about trying to
talk him out of it.โ
โIโve never been able to talk Luca in to or out of
anything, not that Iโd do that to you, anyway,โ I say
slowly. โI just donโt understand. Youโve always known
exactly the life you want for yourself. What happened to
the gamer husband you were going to find? What about the
house in the suburbs where youโre going to settle down?
What about the rescue dog named Charlie? How doesโฆโ Iโm
struggling to even say the words. โHow does Lucaโs baby fit
into that picture?โ
โIt wonโt be Lucaโs baby,โ Abby snaps at me, and leaps to
her feet. โThis will be my baby. Luca will be the babyโs
annoying uncle, which is exactly what you will be, too. No
one will know any different but me and Luca andโฆ Austin
andโฆโ She groans in frustration. โNow you. End of story.โ
Iโll respect her decision if she goes ahead with this. Iโll
support her all the way. How could I not? Abby is smart
enough to know what she wants, and strong enough to handle
all the challenges of parenthood, even on her own.
Itโs just that the more her announcement sinks in, the less
I understand it. Abby is the least impulsive person I knowโ
if sheโs seriously considering this, thereโsgot to be
something more to the story. My suspicion is confirmed by
the glint of tears in her eyes. She blinks rapidly, but
itโs quickly apparent that sheโs not going to be able to
control her emotions. Her face crumples even as she turns
away from me.
โIโm sorry to dump this on you tonight,โ she chokes. โItโs
not fair that you have to deal with Warwick and now thisโฆโ
โAbs,โ I say, bewildered. โYou arenโt dumping anything on
me. Please sit back down and talk to me, help me understand
โโ
โI canโt talk to you about this yet,โ she whispers. โPlease
just respect my decision and Iโll explain when Iโฆ Iโll talk
to you about it when Iโm ready.โ
โButโฆโ
I rise, too, ready to pull her into my arms, but she shakes
her head and jogs quickly to her bedroom. Before I can even
take a step, her bedroom door slams shut.
The sound echoes through the apartmentโan undeniable full
stop on