Shawn Wagner shifted an overstuffed beach bag from one
shoulder to the other and tried to concentrate on how good
the cool, damp sand felt underneath her toes. The Florida
surf crashed gently against the shore, the waves foaming
along the coastline, rhythmically calming her nerves and
reminding her how much was inevitable.
Just like the tide rolling in, she, too, would go on. Being
pregnant again wasn't the worst thing that could happen.
But still… this pregnancy had caught her by surprise.
She strolled along, frustrated that she couldn't find the
spot where they'd set up camp yesterday. It was so perfect,
too. Quiet, near three big rocks. A wide patch of sand for
the girls to build sand castles in.
But… none of the rocks they were walking by looked
familiar. As the girls giggled and marched in front of her,
Shawn paused again. Had they gone left after the third green
garbage can or right?
"Mommy, what are you doing?" Mary called.
"Trying to remember where we set all our stuff
yesterday."
"Oh." Ever eager to please, Mary stood by her side
like a little sentry, looking this way and that.
But really, every spot on the beach looked pretty much the same.
"Kit, do you remember where we were yesterday?"
Her five-year-old looked around. "Uh-huh."
"You sure?"
"Uh-huh!" Grabbing three-year-old Elsie's hand, Kit
started walking again. "Come on. It's this way."
Slipping her hand into Mary's outstretched one, Shawn
grinned. "Let's follow our leader."
"How come Kit always knows where to go?"
"I don't know. I guess she's got a lot of your daddy in
her."
"I never remember." Worriedly, Mary chewed on her
lip. "Does that mean I'm like you?"
It was humbling to realize that her middle child was
actually worried about that possibility. "Maybe."
When they finally reached their destination and stopped in
front of Kit, who was holding Elsie's hand with more
patience than usual, Shawn said, "Good job, honey. This
is the exact place where we were yesterday."
Kit's smile could have outshone the sun. "Hooray!"
"Hooray is right. Let's get settled, ladies." With
little fanfare, Shawn set down the beach bag, dug around for
the king-size quilt, then shook it out over the
soft-as-powder surface. Grains of sand flew up in its wake.
Once the wrinkles were smoothed out, Mary and Kit set up
their towels, toys and floats. Elsie occupied herself by
scooping up sand and watching it run through her fingers.
Shawn wondered just how in the world she was going to manage
four girls. Because really, some days, she wasn't
so sure she managed all that well with three.
Well, that was an understatement if she ever heard one. No
matter what she did, things just seemed to naturally go
awry. She forgot where she parked because she was thinking
about grocery-store coupons. She was late for almost
everything because three girls didn't always follow
directions right away.
Being late, a little scattered and sometimes absent-minded
didn't bother her. She figured it was a temporary thing, and
probably not uncommon. After all, hadn't she just read about
other moms contracting "momnesia," too? It had to be
fairly prevalent for someone to have made up a new term to
describe moms who forgot things.
And, well, with three kids under six, Shawn figured she was
entitled to have a bit of momnesia every now and then.
Unfortunately, her faults had long stopped being endearing
to Eddie. In fact, he'd only seemed amused by her antics
when they were dating. Soon after they'd taken vows, it
became apparent that he wished she was a little more on the
ball.
But they'd been in love and they'd had three beautiful girls
together. Then she'd lost the baby. Though the doctor had
promised that there was no reason for the miscarriage, both
she and Eddie had tried to find a cause.
She'd started blaming Eddie for not helping enough. And he,
well, Eddie had mentioned the way she'd carried Elsie around
nonstop. Even though he knew Elsie had pretty much clung
like a koala from the moment she was born.
After that big fight, they'd both apologized. Eddie had been
particularly remorseful, saying he'd had no right to ever
say such things. That of course the miscarriage had been
nobody's fault.
But some things couldn't be forgotten.
So after Elsie turned two, neither could take the arguing
anymore. They'd separated. Six months later they'd divorced.
Funny how that divorce hadn't made things between them any
easier. One night four months ago they went a little too far
back down memory lane. And now she was pregnant again.
"Mom, where's the sunscreen?" Kit fumbled through
the mesh beach bag, tossing toys out carelessly. As two
bright red shovels landed at Elsie's feet, she looked
Shawn's way again. "I can't find it."
"I know I packed it today. Let's see what's under these
toys."
"Daddy doesn't like it when we empty toy bags and bins
like that," Mary said. "He said it makes a big mess
that's hard to clean up."
"Then I guess it's a good thing he's not here, hmm?"
Though she'd already doused them in sunscreen, she dutifully
helped them apply another layer. Then, after a warning to
mind the surf, she watched her two oldest grab pails and
shovels and run to the water.
And when she finally sat down, it was next to Elsie, who was
now looking very grown-up in one of Mary's old suits.
This was supposed to be a new year, a new beginning. The
divorce was final, the girls were finally adjusting to
seeing one parent at a time, and Elsie was out of diapers.
Funny how things weren't going as planned. Now, instead of
taking the changing table and crib over to Goodwill, she was
going to have to pull it out of the attic again—this
time by herself. No way was she going to get Eddie
involved—at least not for a while. The difficulties a
new pregnancy would bring were just too harmful.
Tugging on the hem of her tank top, Elsie claimed her
attention again. "Momma, I'm thirsty."
Shawn handed her a juice box, followed by the requisite
Goldfish crackers. When her baby was happily sipping and
munching, Shawn watched Kit and Mary do their favorite beach
activity—building a giant sand castle.
Oh, they loved coming to the beach—thank goodness for
Bill and Sharon Wagner. Just months after she and Eddie had
separated, his parents had stopped over out of the blue.
After catching up for a few minutes, they'd given her a key
to their condo. "Eddie may be breaking up with you, but
we're certainly not," Sharon had said. "Promise us
you'll come to Bishop's Gate with the girls at least once a
month."
Shawn had been thrilled, but reluctant to make things
uncomfortable for Eddie. "You sure about that?"
Bill had placed the key in her hand and curved her fingers
around it. "Very sure."
The girls loved the weekends in the tiny beach community
just thirty minutes outside Destin so much that Shawn agreed
to the arrangement, even thought it meant that they saw
Eddie a little bit more than she'd like. Eddie had bought a
condo at Bishop's Gate almost as soon as they separated.
When snack time was over, Shawn walked Elsie to the castle
construction zone and dropped onto the damp sand next to the
other girls.
They sat for a few minutes, Elsie content to watch her
sisters, Shawn happy to sit in silence and watch the waves
crash along the shore.
Looking up, Kit narrowed her eyes. "Momma, is that
Daddy?"
Shawn's head popped up. There was only one man who could
fill out a T-shirt like that. Only one man who walked with
such confidence. "I believe it is."
"Who's that he's with?"
"I don't know." With effort, Shawn looked away from
her former husband and concentrated on the woman by his
side. All Shawn could see were long legs and long blond hair.
Kit frowned as she dug a moat. "Why's he here now?
Tomorrow is when we're going to the aquarium."
Keeping her voice calm and reassuring, Shawn said, "I
don't think he planned on seeing us."
"Because he's with that pretty lady?"
"Yep." Forcing a smile, Shawn added, "I'm sure
Daddy's still taking you tomorrow and that you'll have a
great time."
Mary packed wet sand in her pail. "Are you going to
come?"
"Probably not. Daddy likes having the three of you to
himself."
"I don't think so." Mary widened her eyes. "He
says when we're all together, we're like a pack of wild
animals."
"Y'all can be—but only sometimes." Ruffling
Mary's wispy hair, she said, "Other times I think you're
just fine."
"But you still love us?"
"Always. Daddy loves you, too."
Standing up, Kit looked knowingly at Mary and Elsie.
"Daddy loves us, he just doesn't want to live with us no
more."
"Daddy doesn't want to live with me," she gently
corrected. "Daddy and I are the ones with the problems.
Not you three."
Kit frowned. "That's what you always say."
"I say it because it's the truth."
As the girls pondered that and stared at their daddy—
who seemed oblivious to them—Shawn did some pondering
herself.
What had happened, anyway? First they were living the dream.
Next it felt as if they were constantly fighting.
He'd come home exhausted and only want to sit and watch TV,
instead of helping to get dinner on the table.
His patience with her hadn't been at an all-time high,
either. He got frustrated when he came home to a messy house
and crying kids. Even though he well knew she couldn't be
perfect if she'd tried.
For a little while she had tried real hard—but then
she'd lost the baby and nothing seemed to matter.
However, in her heart, Shawn knew she still loved him. There
was something about him that struck her fancy and held on tight.
And, oh, but he could kiss.
And he was certainly capable in a crisis. Four months ago,
when they'd been spending the weekend at the beach and Mary
had contracted a fever, she'd called him, asking if he could
run to the store for Popsicles and another bottle of
children's Tylenol. He'd ended up staying until all three
girls fell asleep.
They really should've known what was going to happen. One
hug had morphed into one kiss—which had never been
enough. Before her mind could put a stop to shenanigans,
their clothes had been off and they'd been sprawled sideways
on her king-size bed.
"Mommy?"
"Sorry. What, Kit?"
"Daddy's coming closer!"
There was no reason for her heart to start pounding. No
reason for her to care at all. Everything between them was
over. O-v-e-r.
It was just such a shame that she couldn't turn those
feelings off.
Swallowing hard, she firmly told herself to move on. It was
time. Itreally was. "Well, girls, let's see what happens
when he notices us. I bet he's going to be real surprised."
Mary beamed. "I'm gonna say ‘Boo' and then he's gonna
jump up high and be surprised! That will be real fun to
see."
"Yes, it will," Shawn agreed, brushing back a tender
wisp of hair from her brow. "It's going to be a sight to
see, I just know it."
"Eddie, aren't those your girls? I swear they look just
like the girls in the pictures you showed me."
Eddie turned away from admiring the way Jayne's thick blond
hair curled on her shoulder to glance in the direction she
was staring. "Yep. And with them is my ex."
"Shawn?"
"Uh-huh. That's her."
Crystal-blue eyes looked faintly accusing. "You didn't
tell me she was so pretty."
"She's okay." Eddie knew he was lying. Shawn was
downright beautiful, even after three kids. Long tan legs.
Soft feminine arms and shoulders. Rounded hips. A waist that
practically yelled for hands to encircle it.
Even after everything they'd gone through, he was still
drawn to his ex. Some days he'd wondered if that tender
feeling—that attraction—would ever go away.
Some days he wondered if he even wanted it to. From the
moment he'd first talked to Shawn on the phone, she'd made
him feel more alive. Those feelings had intensified during
their courtship and marriage.
And then, of course, it had dissolved into only a shadow of
its former self.
Jayne's steps slowed. "So… those really are your
kids?"
"Yes. All girls. I told you I had three." For a
moment the statement hit him hard. Once, they'd been going
to have more.
"They're so close in age."
Pulling himself back to the present, Eddie nodded. "I
know." He and Shawn never had been good at spacing
things—not schedules, not arguments, not babies. When
Jayne still looked at them warily, he did the inevitable.
"We can turn around if you want."
"We can't do that—what if they saw us?"
"They haven't." If they'd seen him, his girls would
be on their feet, and Shawn… well, Shawn would be
looking him and Jayne over without an ounce of shyness.
Jayne steeled her shoulders. "I'd like to meet them.
Meet all of them."
"All right, then. Come on, I'll introduce you." When
Jayne stepped a little closer and possessively slipped her
hand in his, he forced himself to relax. Jayne was great.
Jayne was perfect for him. And though he hadn't planned on
introducing Shawn to her anytime soon, there was no time
like the present. But he had a feeling this was going to get
awkward.
"Daddy, you did see us!" all three of his daughters
cried as they jumped to their feet.
He looked at his ex. "I did?"
"We've been watching you two," Shawn explained.
"The girls were wondering when you were going to notice
them."
"We surprised you, Daddy!" Mary squealed.
"Though I was gonna get you good and say ‘Boo!'" She
tickled his waist for emphasis.
Eddie pretended to jump in fright. Mary laughed. The joyful
sound was so contagious, he couldn't help but chuckle, too.
"You got me good. I'm glad to see you." By the time
he hugged all three girls and kissed three foreheads, his
tension was forgotten.
Until Shawn stepped forward and held out her hand to Jayne.
"Hi. Shawn Wagner."
"It's a pleasure to meet you," Jayne said.
Eddie wasn't sure if it was the voice of steel that Jayne
suddenly adopted, the ironic smile Shawn was displaying or
the curious looks of the girls—but he definitely did
feel like he'd just jumped in the deep end and was treading
water for dear life.
Especially when Jayne slipped her hand in his again.
After an interminable moment of silence, Shawn said,
"So, are y'all out for a walk?"
"Yep." He cleared his throat. "Girls, this is
Jayne. Jayne, please meet Kit, Mary and Elsie."
"I'm the oldest," Kit proclaimed.
Jayne smiled broadly. "You sure are! I love your bikini!
I'd love to get one just like it."
Kit tilted her face up. "Really? My mommy says she
doesn't wear bikinis no more."
When Jayne turned to Shawn, Shawn patted her stomach with a
hint of a smile. "Three kids, you know."
For a split second, he'd been tempted to correct her. To
remind Shawn that she'd had four children. Four.