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Amanda Heger | Exclusive Excerpt: CRAZY CUPID LOVE
January 24, 2019
California Code of Cupid Regulations (CCR) § 100.01. (a) For purposes of
this Act, the term “love” shall mean the sufferance by one person
of affection for and attachment to another person or persons for any period,
however brief.
For more than twenty years, Eliza had been working on a list
of things she hated more than Valentine’s Day. And finally, after decades of
hard work and
dedication, she’d narrowed it to the following:
- ?
- ??
- ???
Okay, so it was still a work in progress. But to be fair, she
had yet to encounter anything she despised as much as the onslaught of pink and
red hearts
that appeared each February. Not to mention, if your birthday happened to fall
on Valentine’s
Day, avoiding the slew of cutesy cards and pictures of diapered, armed babies
was nearly
impossible. And if you were a Descendant of Eros with the misfortune of being
born on
February fourteenth? Forget it. Everyone everywhere commented on how cute and
coincidental it was that a “Cupid” had been born on love’s holiest of holidays. Eliza ducked her head as she made her way through Red
Clover. Leaving her apartment always made her anxiety flare, but walking through
the seasonal
aisle of the grocery store on Valentine’s Day felt like lumbering through a
library with a
bullhorn. Make way! World’s worst Cupid coming
through! This all could have been avoided if the watch she’d ordered
for her twin had simply arrived on time. Instead, she had to face the offensive
barrage of red
roses and chocolates to reach the tiny display of birthday cards in the center
of the aisle.
Elijah better appreciate this, she thought. Otherwise, I may have to
strangle him with a string of paper hearts. But Eros himself must have been smiling down on her today
because the store was eerily empty. She slid past the picked- over bags of candy
and the last
of the mushy Valentine’s Day fare. Her gaze landed on a brightly colored card
with balloons
across the front. Basic, simple, and able to hold a gift card. Exactly what she
needed. Eliza
pulled it from the shelf and opened the front. Birthday Boy, You’re Ten
Today! She shoved the card back into its slot and surveyed the
other options. A flowery card with hard- to- read script and enough gold edging
to make a
leprechaun jealous? No. Two kittens batting a ball of yarn? Not her brother’s
style. A frog with
googly eyes proclaiming You Aren’t a Tadpole
Anymore? In the running. “Excuse me. Miss?” An elderly man’s voice came from
behind her, wobbling a bit on the end. Eliza’s shoulders tensed. Here we go. Yes, I’m her. The infamous Eliza
Herman. She turned. The little old man looked vaguely familiar, but she
couldn’t quite place him. His ears were nearly as big as his head, and just a
few gray hairs
swooped over his shiny dome. Calling it a comb- over would be generous. “Yes?”
she asked,
braced for the worst. “Can you hand me that card right there?” He pointed with a
liver- spotted finger. “The one with the wiener dog?” Eliza’s breath whooshed out all at once, and in its place,
sweet relief filled her chest. Valentine’s Day was making her paranoid. This
little old man
wanted help reaching something on the top shelf, not to badger her with
questions about her
past. She rose to her tiptoes and grabbed the card. Bright- blue letters across
the bottom
read, I Hope Your Birthday is a Real Wiener.
“Here you go.” “Thank you.” He inched the card open and
proceeded to read the inside. It was as if Eliza had ceased to exist. She grinned and gave herself a mental pat on the back.
Look at you. Being totally normal
. She’d even helped an elderly man and, in the process,
found a perfectly acceptable card for her brother. All she had to do was reach
up, grab
another wiener dog, and— “Oh no.” She wobbled on her tiptoes, only for a second, but it was
enough to throw her balance to the left. Which was enough to bump her shoulder
into the
shelf of Valentine candy beside her. Which was enough to send the giant two-
pound bar of
chocolate tumbling straight onto— “Ooof.” The old man leaned down to rub the top of his foot,
where the chocolate had landed. Green and gold sparkles shot from the site of
his injury,
filling the aisle with enough Love Luster to momentarily obliterate the pink and
red decor. And
when the Luster began to fade, the scent of seawater and sun hit Eliza hard. She
threw her
hands over her mouth in panic. On the one hand, she needed to make sure the man
was okay.
But she also needed to get away from him before he could look up and— “Well, hello.” He bent into a sweeping bow. Too late. Eliza closed her eyes and dragged in a deep breath.
Of course it was too much to ask to make it through Red Clover without incident.
Of course.
“Sir, I’m very sorry—” The old man straightened up as if the infatuation running
through his ancient veins had taken fifty years off his age. He handed her the
candy bar. A
crack ran straight through the center of the chocolate. “Stu Vannerson,” he
said. “And it’s a
pleasure to make your acquaintance.” Eliza’s brain screeched to a halt. Stu Vannerson. Old Man Vannerson. He’d
lived on their block years ago. Elijah used to cut his lawn. Eliza sold him
Girl Scout cookies every year. Then he’d sold his house and moved to the Gold
Lea Assisted
Living Villas across town. And now he was enchanted with her. (C) Amanda Heger, 2019, Sourcebooks Casablanca
Let's Get Mythical
#1
When a single arrow inspires romance, can you really
trust happily ever after? In this magical rom-com,
the descendants of Greek mythology must learn to live and
love in a mundane world where Aphrodite’s blessing can sure
feel like a real pain in the quiver.Eliza Herman (a.k.a. The World’s Worst Cupid) has spent her
entire life carefully avoiding her calling as a Descendant
of Eros. After all, happily-ever-afters are nothing but a
myth. But when a family crisis requires her to fill in at
the local Cupid-for-hire shop, Eliza finds herself
enchanting couples under the watchful eye of her assigned
mentor, Jake Sanders…the one man she could never get out of
her head. Before long, Eliza is rethinking her stance on romance—until
things start going terribly wrong with her enchantments. Now
Eliza and Jake must fight to unravel a conspiracy that could
destroy thousands of relationships, including their own…and
spell the end of Love itself. No pressure, right?
Romance Paranormal [Sourcebooks
Casablanca, On Sale: January 29, 2019, Mass Market Paperback / e-Book, ISBN:
9781492672753 / eISBN: 9781492672760]
Amanda Heger is a writer, attorney, and bookworm. She lives in the Midwest with
three unruly
rescue dogs and a husband who encourages her delusions of grandeur. She strongly
believes
Amy Poehler is her soul mate, and one of her life goals is to adopt a pig and
name it Ron
Swineson.
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