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Christie Craig | Stumped and Need A Useful Weapon Suggestion!
December 21, 2015
In DIVORCED, DESPERATE AND
DELICIOUS it was a singing fish and a toilet plunger—I used both. In DIVORCED, DESPERATE AND DATING
I went with a tampon. In DIVORCED, DESPERATE AND
DECEIVED, I used the top of a toilet tank. I’m not picky, I’ve used frying
pans, Buddha statues, and petrified dinosaur poop—I was particularly proud of
that one. In one book, I was desperate and used an egg beater. In DIVORCED, DESPERATE AND
DARING, my sixth book in my Divorced and Desperate
series, I used a fallen arm of an angel statue. It brought a whole new
meaning to the saying: touched by an angel. What am I talking about? Weapons. Have you not been there? You hear a noise somewhere in the house. It’s late.
Pitch dark. Either your hubby is too busy sawing logs to care—you even elbow him
a couple of times and all he does is grunt—or perhaps he was simply away on
business that night. Or maybe you don’t have a hubby. Anyway, you’re alone, or
you might as well be alone. You might have stayed up late reading some murder mystery, or perhaps you got
caught up in a forensic file show and saw bloody crime scenes. And now,
something is making a noise beyond your bedroom door. Or is your mind is playing
tricks on you? Fear tickles down your spine, but you tell yourself it’s nothing. And like your
mom used to look under the bed to prove there were no monsters lurking there,
you force yourself to go check. Why? Because you aren’t a weak little woman and
besides, you know it’s nothing. But with each step, you can’t help but think
about those bloody crime scenes and wonder if you’re someone’s next victim. But you’re no coward, so you tiptoe out of the room. Down the hall. You can
almost hear your heart beating in your ears. Your footsteps seem a little too
loud. That’s when it happens, you hear it again. This time it comes right behind
you, or just in the next room, and real panic strikes—the kind that latches onto
your lungs and you can’t breathe. For one second you freeze, paralyzed with
sheer terror. Then adrenaline and a will to live force you to do something. But
weaponless, you grab whatever you can—whatever is at a hand’s reach. Because
somehow, someway you’re gonna teach that no-good low-life intruder or more than
likely the cat, or the refrigerator that’s simply dropping ice, a lesson. You see, my heroines, like myself, don’t walk around with a Glock tucked in
their bra straps. But because they are my heroines, and I write humorous
romantic suspense, they are eventually gonna come face to face with trouble. So
when they hear noises, it’s generally not just the cat chasing a bug, or the
fridge spitting out ice. It’s real trouble and it’s not gonna be good. But my
heroines are fighters and when misfortune comes calling, they refuse to go down
easy. They do what my grandma used to call, “open up a can of whoopass” and they
improvise. And I’ve never lost one yet! Not even the one where she used a tampon. So here’s my problem. I’m about to start to start a new book. And I’ve gotta
figure out a new weapon. I’m giving away a twenty-five dollar gift card
to one of you who offers a suggestion.
Sexy, Suspenseful and Seriously Funny!
Christie Craig, a New York Times Bestseller, is an Alabama native, a
multi-published writer, motivational speaker, and writing teacher. She
currently hangs her hat in Texas and writes humorous romantic suspense novels
for Grand Central as well as publishes her own novels. When she’s not writing
her romances, she writes the NYT and USA Today best-selling young adult
paranormal romance series, Shadow Falls, published by St. Martin's Press/Griffin
under her pen name C.C. Hunter.
Check out her series: Divorced and Desperate
Smart and sassy . . .
Sheri Thompson knew better. She could spot a horn dog from a mile away,
especially when she’d been warned about him countless times by her best friend.
Still, when Danny started smooth-talking Sheri at that same friend’s wedding,
she couldn’t resist. It was the best one- night stand of her life. Heck, the
best night of her life. And then she woke up alone.
Divorced and determined to stay that way . . . Detective Danny
Henderson didn’t like fear, but he’d felt a lot of it that morning he’d woken up
feeling all warm and cozy next to the one woman that might just make an honest
man of him. Six months later, fear has punched him in the gut again, but worse
this time. He’s investigating a murder plot . . . a planned hit. The target:
Sheri Thompson. This time his fear won’t get the best of him. He’ll kick ass to
keep her safe and make sure he gets a second chance at countless more nights
with the woman of his dreams.
Divorced and Desperate
#6
Buy on: Kindle |
BN.com | Kobo | iTunes/iBooks | Google Play
Comments
112 comments posted.
Re: Christie Craig | Stumped and Need A Useful Weapon Suggestion!
Looking around my room for ideas, I could see a lamp or a
hardback book. Then I noticed my book ends - I have 2 old
irons - the solid metal ones that you sat on the stove
until they got hot - you could do lots of damage with one
of those!
(Jen Barnard 1:56am December 21, 2015)
purse strap
(Marissa Yip-Young 6:25am December 21, 2015)
How about a computer or television cord? Landline phones can
definitely make a good weapon. And there is always the old
standby, chairs.
(Edward Washington 7:52am December 21, 2015)
My son suggested I keep a can of wasp spray handy. It shoots
straight into the eyes he said.
(Leona Olson 8:43am December 21, 2015)
The obvious comes to mind for me - a baseball bat!! Can't wait
to read your latest book!! It's on my TBR list. Have a great
Christmas, and the best in the New Year!!
(Peggy Roberson 9:43am December 21, 2015)
For a history aficionado, how about a Civil War sword? Thanks for a fun post.
(G S Moch 10:15am December 21, 2015)
I was going to say a cord of some sort to use as a garrote. However, I always think of strangling a person as needing a lot of strength and a bit of time. So ... makes me feel ghoulish to even think such thoughts. Thanks for the chance to win. Happy holidays!
(Nancy Reynolds 10:23am December 21, 2015)
A HARPOON WOULD MAKE A GREAT WEAPON.
(Ron Frampton 10:48am December 21, 2015)
Well, I'd already submitted a more "serious" weapon, one requiring a little plotting, but I can see that a little more readily available tool might be best, sooooo...having just had to deal with faulty ornaments, and bows that just won't stay put, how about a glue gun? A little old hat, but, hey, a glue gun can take down anything and, once down, can keep it there, no matter what. I do believe you could put a bear in gear with one those things when it's primed and ready. Most Gawdawful pain I've ever felt! :) Takes the hide right off, smooth as silk, too! :) Lo
(Loretta Wheeler 10:58am December 21, 2015)
I'm loving some of these!!! I have to say, wasp spray and glue gun got my attention. Thanks.
CC
(Christie Craig 11:14am December 21, 2015)
A fireplace weapon.
(Sharon Berger 12:23pm December 21, 2015)
Hmm...Poked by a poker. It might work. LOL.
(Christie Craig 12:43pm December 21, 2015)
Any aerosol spray is a handy weapon...guaranteed to burn the spam out anyone's eyes...
(Kathleen Bylsma 12:58pm December 21, 2015)
My sister threw our cat at me once when we were younger... did some damage! What about a hot oil potpourri pot!?
(Colleen Conklin 1:00pm December 21, 2015)
Hot oil potpourri? Hmm... Burnt but smell really pretty. LOL.
(Christie Craig 1:16pm December 21, 2015)
Umbrella Gun
(Emily Stemp 2:12pm December 21, 2015)
I watched a crime on Investigation Discovery that was really weird. A disgruntled husband poisoned his wife with carbon monoxide. They had a leaky water heater and he closed off the entire house from the gas except her room. It could so easily have been thought to be an accident.
(Sandy Fielder 4:06pm December 21, 2015)
The ex's prized bobble head figurine
(Joelle Beebe 4:09pm December 21, 2015)
Ceramic cat statue
(Joelle Beebe 4:11pm December 21, 2015)
This one's a little morbid, but an urn containing someone's
ashes? They're usually made of heavy duty metal..
(Joelle Beebe 4:13pm December 21, 2015)
A snow globe from some random state..
(Joelle Beebe 4:18pm December 21, 2015)
An ice skate
(Joelle Beebe 4:19pm December 21, 2015)
Joelle, I kind like the urn. LOL. Maybe it's her ex's ashes, who cheated on her.
(Christie Craig 4:27pm December 21, 2015)
A really old, very heavy fruit cake.
(Joelle Beebe 4:49pm December 21, 2015)
A taxidermy (taxidermied?) armadillo. (or other misc
animal...)
(Joelle Beebe 5:37pm December 21, 2015)
a vintage metal bed pan
(Joelle Beebe 5:40pm December 21, 2015)
I like that one! I'm using an armadillo in my book I'm writing now. It's not dead, though.
(Christie Craig 5:41pm December 21, 2015)
Crochet needles
(Julie Wingate 6:30pm December 21, 2015)
Grandpa's hand carved wooden cane with naughty images
whittled into it..
(Joelle Beebe 6:41pm December 21, 2015)
a ukulele
(Joelle Beebe 6:43pm December 21, 2015)
Elvis Presley head bust statue.
(Joelle Beebe 6:51pm December 21, 2015)
A child's toy wand. (Complete with glitter and stars..)
(Joelle Beebe 7:36pm December 21, 2015)
a plastic lawn flamingo
(Joelle Beebe 7:45pm December 21, 2015)
Strangulation with tinsel?
(Lesley Walsh 7:46pm December 21, 2015)
a potted plant
(Joelle Beebe 7:47pm December 21, 2015)
A bowling trophy.
(Joelle Beebe 8:14pm December 21, 2015)
I like the tinsel. It could be a Christmas book. LOL.
(Christie Craig 9:04pm December 21, 2015)
I am thinking knives!
(Lily Shah 12:52pm December 22, 2015)
I received the perfect thing tonight as a gift. It is a
Christmas ornament made from cedar. Shaped like a
pinecone with a very sharp point. You could easily stab
somebody with it. It's very light, about 8 inches long
and starts off being 3 inches around. It's tapered.
Easily fits in a purse and when you're through with it,
hang it in your closet to keep the moths out. I think it
would make the perfect weapon.
(Dagmar Finch 3:22am December 22, 2015)
A crutch or one of those walking boots for broken
legs/ankles. I had both when I broke my ankle in 6 places
last year. Those suckers are heavy and could do
significant damage.
(Joelle Beebe 5:49am December 22, 2015)
A multi colored donkey pinata.
(Joelle Beebe 5:50am December 22, 2015)
A can or jar full of loose change.. (Could be a swear
jar..)
(Joelle Beebe 6:34am December 22, 2015)
A participation plaque from a chili cook off or a cookie
bake off. (If she can't cook well...)
(Joelle Beebe 6:37am December 22, 2015)
a snoopy shaped flashlight. (or another favorite cartoon
character..)
(Joelle Beebe 6:38am December 22, 2015)
I think it should be a Selfie stick... Everyone seems to have one of these handy these days.
(Kathleen O'Donnell 8:58am December 22, 2015)
A light stick.
(Cathy Thomas 11:03am December 22, 2015)
Contents of the cat litter box! That's stop him!
(Kathleen Bylsma 11:39am December 22, 2015)
One of those refrigerators cans of biscuits. The kind that
make the popping sound when you open it. They can sound
like a gun sometimes..
(Joelle Beebe 11:54am December 22, 2015)
An African Tribal mask
(Joelle Beebe 12:20pm December 22, 2015)
Kathleen, I had a selfie stick in DD&Daring, but not as weapon. It was a funny scene!
(Christie Craig 12:46pm December 22, 2015)
Crochet needles? Hmm... I see a line afterwards. "Consider yourself crocheted!"
(Christie Craig 12:50pm December 22, 2015)
Oh, heck, Kathleen, I'd stop if someone tossed a litter box at me.
(Christie Craig 12:53pm December 22, 2015)
It it were Halloween time it could be the femur bone from a
skeleton..
(Joelle Beebe 4:22pm December 22, 2015)
My heavy pocketbook
(Jeri Dickinson 4:54pm December 22, 2015)
I think a stapler would make a great weapon, especially a heavy duty staple gun!
(Joanne Schultz 5:08pm December 22, 2015)
How about a bottle of ketchup. He puts it on everything, so the killer adds a
little bit of poison, not enough to hurt anyone by mistake, but over time, it
builds up the victims body and poof, in a few weeks, he's a goner.
(Barbara Heintz 5:33pm December 22, 2015)
I have a rock from the Klondike. I look at all the time and think---BETTER NOT! But, oh, so tempting!
(Susan Coster 7:05pm December 22, 2015)
A rotary cutter used for fabric! It is as sharp as a razor blade but very messy.
(Bonnie H 7:50pm December 22, 2015)
The can of wasp spray is best for me . It will spray at least 10 feet so you don't have to get very close to your victim . You can spray and run.
(Joan Thrasher 8:02pm December 22, 2015)
An Epi Pen or asthma inhaler
(Joelle Beebe 8:30pm December 22, 2015)
a hard crusty french Baguette
(Joelle Beebe 10:05pm December 22, 2015)
how about something as silly as poison nail polish.
(Bonnie Capuano 7:49am December 23, 2015)
a cast iron frying pan
(Cheryl Castings 9:45am December 23, 2015)
A Yo-yo
(Joelle Beebe 12:34pm December 23, 2015)
If in the kitchen, the flour canister dumped/thrown at him!
Doused in flour will stop anybody!
(Kathleen Bylsma 12:39pm December 23, 2015)
The decorative knob on the stair case railing. (The broken
one that keeps coming loose in your hand...)
(Joelle Beebe 12:47pm December 23, 2015)
How bout a scalding hot cup of coffee thrown in the face
making the person slip backwards and crack their head open!
(Kimberley Coover 6:43pm December 23, 2015)
Perhaps something electrical that has a short in it that she
could shock the person with. Kinda like a stun gun...or a
cattle prod..
(Joelle Beebe 8:30am December 24, 2015)
a picture frame of the victim
(Bonnie Capuano 8:50am December 24, 2015)
an encyclopedia
(Joelle Beebe 9:26am December 24, 2015)
crossbow
(John Sweeney 10:48am December 24, 2015)
hair spray
(Carey Hemond 10:54am December 24, 2015)
one of those rain sticks. That sounds like rain when you turn
it over.
(Joelle Beebe 11:10am December 24, 2015)
a dumbbell from a weight lifting set
(Joelle Beebe 11:13am December 24, 2015)
a magic 8 ball.
(Joelle Beebe 11:16am December 24, 2015)
A Hardcover Christie Craig book...they should have seen it
coming!
(Ken Justus 11:48am December 24, 2015)
Since most people are on their cell phones a good part of the day, I would figure out a way to overheat the lithium battery so it catches on fire at some point during the day. Most people carry their cell phones in their pockets so, if the fire was high enough, it would probably set them on fire and burn them to death.
(Nancy Marcho 3:58pm December 24, 2015)
A e-cigarette set to explode.
(Carmen Rexford 4:24pm December 24, 2015)
A high school cheerleader's spirit stick.
(Joelle Beebe 4:37pm December 24, 2015)
My heavy pocket book
(Jeri Dickinson 6:43pm December 24, 2015)
A garrot
(Patsy Hagen 7:17pm December 24, 2015)
a rolling pin
(Joelle Beebe 7:41pm December 24, 2015)
Baby Jesus statue from a nativity. For a Christmas story.
(Joelle Beebe 8:34pm December 24, 2015)
My DH gave me something to keep handy. When you have to put
bunkbeds together, there is this metal bar you insert for both
beds on each corner. That's what I got. smaller than a baseball
bat so easier to hold in one hand. However, now I walk with a big
thick cane. Could use that in a pinch.
(Nancy Luebke 9:39pm December 24, 2015)
The t-bone from a devoured t-bone steak. Easy to hold and
nice and pointy. Slash and stab and poke in the eye.
(Irene Menge 1:19am December 25, 2015)
For weapons how about an Icicle (the evidence melts away), or a dog's chew toy. What about a slinky around the neck or Teeth/claws from a taxidermied animal?
(April Harvey 6:47am December 25, 2015)
I remember the old opera glasses used poisoned needles when
they were adjusted. Could be updated to a birder's
binoculars.
(Deb Philippon 11:05am December 25, 2015)
I'd use q book or computer to the head.
(Valerie Miller 5:50pm December 25, 2015)
A garden hoe
(Linda Hildebrand 9:13pm December 25, 2015)
How about a little shove down the stairs?
(Connie Williamson 11:37pm December 25, 2015)
A balcony that will break when stepped on.
(Gloria Zimmer 7:15am December 26, 2015)
I nerf gun!
(Bonnie Capuano 9:49am December 26, 2015)
a skateboard
(Joelle Beebe 10:44am December 26, 2015)
a curling iron
(Joelle Beebe 10:46am December 26, 2015)
a bulk jer of pickles.. from Samsung club or costco.
(Joelle Beebe 10:51am December 26, 2015)
dang auto correct. that was supposed to say a bulk jar of
pickles from sams club or costco.
(Joelle Beebe 10:54am December 26, 2015)
a Liberace candelabra
(Joelle Beebe 11:26am December 26, 2015)
a windshield ice scraper
(Joelle Beebe 11:26am December 26, 2015)
a pig shaped cookie jar that oinks when the lid is opened.
(Joelle Beebe 11:28am December 26, 2015)
A vial of poison!!!
(Vicki Hancock 1:28pm December 26, 2015)
Well, even though I've learned gun safety, etc., I am NOT a fan sooooooooooooo the hubs and I came up with a bowling pin by the side of the bed! It's big enough to hurt someone and easy enough for me to pick up and swing. We also keep a very large Mag flashlight. That sucka is heavy and would definitely hurt someone if you meant it when you hit them.
(Gale Sroelov 2:41pm December 26, 2015)
A candlestick off the mantle in a darkened parlor!
(Denise Austin 2:43pm December 26, 2015)
a meat tenderizer hammer
(Joelle Beebe 2:51pm December 26, 2015)
My cat would scratch their face up and have them screaming
(Jeri Dickinson 4:09pm December 26, 2015)
I've got an old enameled metal chamber pot with a handle that
would give a pretty good thump!
(Diane Sallans 5:53pm December 26, 2015)
a old fashioned crockery jug...
(Joelle Beebe 7:46pm December 26, 2015)
A garter belt as a sling shot. :-)
(Deb Pelletier 7:55pm December 26, 2015)
How about an inhaler or a face mask.
(Deb Philippon 7:59pm December 26, 2015)
a frozen turkey.. Sometimes the bag they come in has loopy
handles that she could swing it with.
(Joelle Beebe 8:16pm December 26, 2015)
I have a baaad cat who thinks she is a catreiler, and likes to
launch herself in surprise attacks. I would throw her in his
face, it would give me the time to get a damn big knife!
(Sue Hieber 12:04pm December 27, 2015)
A fingernail file, a doorstop, a paperweight, one's dentures, cowboy boot, a corkscrew, grass clippers, bottle of champagne, victim's own picture, dog collar, a hairbrush.
(Gladys Paradowski 2:42am December 27, 2015)
How about a hardback copy of the author's own book or a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People"?
(Gladys Paradowski 2:46am December 27, 2015)
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