Ever heard the phrase “I’m having a bad hair day?” Of course you have. And we
all know exactly what it means! But if you happen to have the supernatural gift
of prehensile hair (the ability to manipulate, quickly grow, and attack with
your hair), that phrase can take on a whole new meaning. Personally I’d rather
not have a coiffeur that might kill my husband if he mentions my mane needs a
trim, but there’s a few even worse gifts out there in the paranormal world a
girl might find herself saddled with. Here’s the top ten, in no particular order:
1. Bone Consumption
Aside from the sheer gross factor, I can’t think of a single instance where this
power might come in handy. A variation on the traditional vampire, a bone eater
gets her power from eating the marrow and skeleton of others. About as unsexy as
a supernatural power gets.
2. Self-Detonation
This one is self-explanatory. The ability to let loose an explosion from the
body, and put yourself back together again. Ouch. Also, I worry if there is an
accompanying smell. (It can’t be pleasant.)
3. Prehensile Tongue
Like the aforementioned prehensile hair, a prehensile tongue can grow to great
lengths, has extreme strength, and can be used to grasp, lift, and even strangle
a person. Once the word got out, this “gift” would put a serious dent in your
dating life.
4. Stench Generation
Imagine being able to overpower your enemies with your incredible superstank!
Um, no thank you. I pity the girl who can produce a reek strong enough to kill
people. Imagine what an accidental little after-dinner burp might do.
5. Death Vision
I’m sorry, but I really don’t want to be able to look at someone’s face and know
when she’s going to die. Talk about depressing. The upside is, this gift only
works on people with a soul, so if you sense nothing when look at your
mother-in-law, you were right about her all along.
6. Corpse Manipulation
Need I say more?
7. Viral Duplication
The name is misleading. Viral duplication isn’t about making more viruses…it’s
about making more of you. Like the Agents in The Matrix, this supernatural power
allows you to clone yourself over and over, leading to some very interesting
questions involving ego. Your husband might think it fun, for about two seconds,
until he realizes he’s now got two dozen wives angry at him for leaving the
toilet seat up.
8. Slime Mimicry
Also called Goo Body, this might come in handy for jailbreaks and sneaking into
movie theatres. But I’m betting the snail trail isn’t the most attractive thing
ever.
9. Plant Mimicry
If you just want to hide from your in-laws, this power is great. But who wants
to be rooted in soil while the cat chews on you? As far as superpowers go, this
one’s a dud.
10. Sonic Scream
My singing voice isn’t what could be described as “angelic.” However it’s not
going to kill anyone, either. (Probably.) But if you’re the proud owner of a
sonic scream, you can emit a highly destructive and deafening scream of high
amplitude that can take out anything from small electronics to an entire town’s
energy grid. The problem? Put anything in your mouth and your power is rendered
useless. The last thing I need is a legitimate reason for my husband to stick a
gag in my mouth.
About INTO DARKNESS
In New Vienna, capital of the oppressive global government formed after the
Flash, three things are certain: the sun is poisonous, speaking out is
dangerous, and being different will get you killed.
And Lumina Bohn is extraordinarily different.
Living in terror of discovery, Lu knows nothing of her past—but she knows she
must pretend to be human to survive. When an incident at work triggers her
astonishing powers, she becomes the target of an international manhunt. Only one
person can save her: Magnus, the enigmatic stranger haunting her dreams.
Magnus rescues the outcasts called Aberrants from capture and torture. As Lu
begins exploring her powers among her people, her feelings for Magnus intensify.
He’s determined to stay emotionally distant, yet their smoldering passion soon
becomes impossible to resist.
But when a shocking revelation threatens the lives of every remaining Aberrant,
Lu and Magnus must risk everything, confronting their enemies in an explosive
final stand to save their kind from the darkest fate of all: extinction.
About J.T. Geissinger
J.T. Geissinger is an award-winning author of paranormal and contemporary
romance featuring dark and twisted plots, kick-ass heroines, and alpha heroes
whose hearts are even bigger than their muscles. Her debut fantasy romance, SHADOW'S EDGE, was a #1
bestseller on Amazon US and UK, and won a Prism Award for Best First Book. Her
follow-up novel, EDGE OF
OBLIVION, was a RITA Award finalist for Paranormal Romance from the Romance
Writers of America. She has been nominated for numerous other awards for her
work. She resides in Los Angeles with her husband.
4 comments posted.
I loved this post. These are some of the worst superpowers imaginable. I do think I might have the horrendous voice, though...
(Michelle Willms 11:08pm October 20, 2014)
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