Michelle Marcos | Mr. Perfect: A Woman's Fantasy Man and What He Reveals About Our Own Hearts
April 1, 2012
What is it about romantic heroes that draws our mind's attention and our heart's
affection? Whether it's Mr. Darcy or Edward Cullen, James Bond or Braveheart,
our fantasy men may reveal much about a woman's hardwired needs.
Nora Roberts, the bestselling romance novelist of all time, says that romance
novels "are about the celebration of falling in love and emotion and commitment,
and all of those things we really want." That is the question that has
been plaguing men since the dawn of time. What do women really want?
I'll admit that on some days, I would really like this:
But as gratifying as this would be, this is really not enough. I know I don't
speak for all women, but I make it my business to know what women want in a
man. I've written five romance novels, and read thousands more. The most
satisfying part of my job is getting to create characters so wonderful and so
believable that my readers fall in love with them. So speaking as a woman--and
as an author--I think I can help to answer the question: What do we look for in
a man, and more importantly, what does that reveal about us?
1. It's not about looks.
Washboard abs and rock-hard pecs don't necessarily make a woman go gooey. Just
ask any woman with a middle-aged husband. Some of the most memorable romantic
heroes don't resemble Adonis (think Billy Crystal in When
Harry Met Sally). Visual appeal is only part of what women find erotic.
This is perhaps why women don't get addicted to Playgirl as readily as men get
addicted to Playboy. It's not what he looks like that sparks a reader's desire
for the hero...it's what he does and what he says that make us fall in love with
him.
2. He's utterly devoted to her.
Many women struggle with their own self worth. Women want to be valued,
appreciated, and above all, delighted in. We want to know that our bodies
please a man, that our companionship is treasured by him, and that our presence
in his life enriches it beyond measure. Even as little girls, women crave
validation. "Look at me, Daddy," we used to say, and we never really outgrow
that. Consequently, we want a man who wants us utterly and chooses us from
among all women. Plus, there is something exciting about a man who knows what
he wants and goes after it—especially if the object of his desire is us.
A man's pursuit of a woman draws out her beauty.
3. He has a sense of humor.
Men's Health Magazine conducted a poll in which 77% of women cited a
sense of humor as the top personality trait wanted in a man. The magazine
reported that "Being able to laugh at the stresses of this world is a must. You
get bonus points if you can make them laugh. Humor tells a woman that you can
laugh at—read, handle easily—the many difficulties that life throws
at you." A sense of humor will go far in building a relationship. And let's
face it—fun, flirtatious ribbing is a serious turn-on.
5. He's a protector.
This isn't just a woman thing--it's a human thing. According to Abraham Maslow,
the psychologist who defined the hierarchy of needs, we have an innate,
hardwired need for security. Women are especially needful of this feeling of
protection. Some women seek men with money, because being provided for gives
them a feeling of long-term security. Some are drawn to physical strength,
giving them a feeling of physical safety. Yet women feel safest when they sense
a man's solid and unswerving commitment. A woman is never afraid of a good
man's strength. And a good man is one who's willing to put his life on the
line to protect the woman he loves.
6. He's principled.
All heroes, on and off the page, hold something dear to their hearts, and will
struggle to preserve it. Whether it's William Wallace in Braveheart fighting for his country's freedom, or Jake Brigance in A
Time to Kill fighting for an unpopular justice, a man of integrity is
incredibly alluring. It's a human trait to applaud when good triumphs over
evil, and women like a man who's on the winning side of that battle. A hero is
generally courageous, honest, loyal, and selfless. Even bad boy heroes
demonstrate these qualities to some degree. And once again, these qualities are
demonstrated by actions, not words. The real litmus test is in how a man treats
his lady. Some men want a woman on his arm that makes other men wish they were
him. A real man treats a woman in such a way that makes other women wish they
were her.
It's your turn. What do you look for in a man? What quality or qualities must
your Mr. Perfect have? Share your views in a comment below. And then pick up a
copy of my newest historical romance, LESSONS IN LOVING A LAIRD.
See what happens when a parish apprentice counting the days until the end of her
indentures is placed under the control of the new Scottish laird who extends her
enslavement. I'll tell you that Shona puts up a fight every step of the way,
shredding Conall's patience. Eventually, she schemes that the best way to be
free of her bonds is to marry the man who holds the key. But she has no idea
how to turn her hissing to kissing, or how to get someone like him to fall in
love with someone like her. Even so, Conall realizes that there is no way that
he can run his estate without Shona's knowledge and insight, and he doesn't want
to go one moment without her provocative wit—or her fiery beauty. So no
matter what Shona does to try to win her freedom, Conall has no intention of
letting her go.
What qualities do I look for in a man? In both real life and fiction, to me the most important one is the last on your list: integrity.
Looks might attract me, but they won't last.
Devotion is welcome, but I wouldn't expect total devotion. No matter how much a man might love me, I would always have to share him---with his career, his causes, his friends and relatives, his other commitments.
Whether he has a sense of humor doesn't matter to me. I can crack enough jokes for both of us.
In this day and age, the sense of protection should be mutual. Both the man and the woman should provide for each other, on various levels.
But in any era, the last quality on your list is fundamental, essential, paramount. He must think and act in terms of the highest principles. Or at least, do his best in this regard.
To me at least, a romance hero should be truly heroic. And for real men, and women, their struggles in everyday life can also represent a form of heroism.
Good luck with the release of "Lessons in Loving a Laird"! (Mary Anne Landers 9:20am April 1, 2012)
I believe that if the man loves God with all his heart and seeks to have the best relationship with a woman, he will seek direction through God's Word. I do enjoy a sense of humor......as it helps to keep things in perspective.....and having some similar likes makes a huge difference. I like Mary Anne's comment....."Their struggles in everyday life can also represent a form of heroism."
At the end of the day, it's what we do with each set of 24 hours that God gives us, that will make a difference. How they respond to life's dips and curves will let me know who they are........and will make it easier for me to make a decision if I will choose to spend time with them.
A man whose example leads me to a closer walk with God will definitely catch my attention, as well as a man who wants to continue learning about many things, not thinking that he already knows it all!!
At the end of the day, I ask the same question to myself....."who will I become in five years time if I choose to stand by this man?"
I want to be a better person........and time always shows who people really are by their actions, and not so much by what they say about who they are.
So if they can speak the truth with love, are good stewards of what God has given them, can make me laugh, and maybe enjoys cooking and four- footed people and loves to travel?????????
I'd definitely consider it!!!!!!!! (Gabi O-M 3:58pm April 1, 2012)
Like the list. Don't have facebook. (Alyson Widen 4:53pm April 1, 2012)
You have to be the champion of writers, because you really hit the nail on the head!! There is one thing that you did forget, however. No matter how strong a man is, he does have to know how to be tender towards a woman, as well as in other situations. That tender side does have to show, without him looking "girly," if you know what I mean. He should also be helpful, which the picture playfully depicted. I got a big kick out of it!! I can't get into the Bonus part because I don't have a Facebook account, and don't want to get started with one. I love the cover of your book, and can't wait to read it. This will be a first for me as far as reading your books, and I'm sure I'll enjoy it. After having to take a hiatus from reading, which I sorely missed, I'm finding out about more authors, like you, that I need to put on my TBR list. (Peggy Roberson 5:54pm April 1, 2012)
Traits I look for in a man? I think you overlooked a big one in my book and that's He's Got To Have Brains. He doesn't have to be a rocket scientist (I'm married to a former one of those and there are days...) but there's got to be something up there. There's nothing worse than having to pull a dumb man along behind you or having to dumb yourself down so he doesn't feel insecure. Like I said, you don't have to be a PhD that can unravel my genetic code but I would like to know you can work your toaster. (Patricia Eimer 8:57am April 2, 2012)
Integrity/a sense of honour, both personal and public; a sense of humour, and the laughing eyes to go along with it; the ability to show that he cares about you, both in private AND in public; the protection thing; and finally the least important - good looks. This last doesn't always have to fit the "norm" (whatever the heck THAT might be!), it just has to be looks that appeal to YOU.
Like a couple of others above, I don't do FB and don't plan to, so that option of winning is out. Having been stalked once on a social media site, I'm not willing to open myself up to that ever again.
Wow did you create a fantastic list. I would agree with all your points and add intelligence and a deep commitment to living a life pleasing to God. Few get how to incorporate that into romance novels but much of the time it's there just left unsaid. I think someone with all the qualities you listed just about encompasses a man who lives a life pleasing to God. Thanks for the giveaways, this book sounds really good! (Lenna Hendershott 1:01pm April 3, 2012)
Wow did you create a fantastic list. I would agree with all your points and add intelligence and a deep commitment to living a life pleasing to God. Few get how to incorporate that into romance novels but much of the time it's there just left unsaid. I think someone with all the qualities you listed just about encompasses a man who lives a life pleasing to God. Thanks for the giveaways, this book sounds really good! (Lenna Hendershott 1:01pm April 3, 2012)
But as gratifying as this would be, this is really not enough. I know I don't
speak for all women, but I make it my business to know what women want in a
man. I've written five romance novels, and read thousands more. The most
satisfying part of my job is getting to create characters so wonderful and so
believable that my readers fall in love with them. So speaking as a woman--and
as an author--I think I can help to answer the question: What do we look for in
a man, and more importantly, what does that reveal about us?
). Visual appeal is only part of what women find erotic.
This is perhaps why women don't get addicted to Playgirl as readily as men get
addicted to Playboy. It's not what he looks like that sparks a reader's desire
for the hero...it's what he does and what he says that make us fall in love with
him. 
fighting for his country's freedom, or Jake Brigance in 
fighting for an unpopular justice, a man of integrity is
incredibly alluring. It's a human trait to applaud when good triumphs over
evil, and women like a man who's on the winning side of that battle. A hero is
generally courageous, honest, loyal, and selfless. Even bad boy heroes
demonstrate these qualities to some degree. And once again, these qualities are
demonstrated by actions, not words. The real litmus test is in how a man treats
his lady. Some men want a woman on his arm that makes other men wish they were
him. A real man treats a woman in such a way that makes other women wish they
were her.
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