Robin Kaye | Do Opposites Attract? Really?
December 5, 2011
I was reading a review of my new book, WILD THING and it talked
about how my hero and heroine are total opposites. Maybe at first blush you
would look at them and think so—New York Goth Girl Meets Idaho
Outdoorsman—but when I really examined them, I found them to be very much
Toni is deathly afraid of the outdoors and Hunter is a total
outdoorsman—opposites for sure until you realize Toni is from New York,
and is very much at home in the concrete jungle the same way Hunter is in the
mountains of Idaho. They're the same, but different.
Toni and Hunter are both very funny and they use their humor as camouflage, a
shield, and sometimes a weapon. They are also champions in the art of verbal
sparring—a lot of the time they're sparring with each other. Their banter
is so much fun!
Hunter dresses in what Toni sees as a survivor man get up and Toni is a Goth.
Different, yes, but they both dress for necessity. Hunter wears the necessary
clothes (good hiking boots, helmets, personal flotation devices) to be safe in a
physical sense allowing him to do his work, whereas Toni dresses Goth for
self-protection—emotional camouflage if you will, allowing her to hide in
the crowd of beautiful models she works with on a daily basis.
Hunter spends months alone in the mountains and needs no one—the only
contact he has with people are the clients he guides and protects. Toni does the
same thing but in a city of eight million—she's alone except for the
models she manages. Still, she doesn't have relationships with anyone but her
one friend James. Both Toni and Hunter are alone and completely self-reliant.
They're both fiercely independent.
They have very different backgrounds, Hunter with a strong, closely knit family.
Toni's family is fractured and almost non-existent, yet they are both loners,
more caretakers (in their own ways) of those they love, but neither feels
comfortable asking for help.
They both have a great love for children. Hunter started a camp for
disadvantaged kids, bringing them into the wilderness and teaching them
self-reliance while giving them the tools to learn what it is to be part of a
team. He shows them that there are people who can be relied upon. Toni works at
the rec center she grew up attending—caring for and loving those who might
not have parents there to do it. Both feel a strong need to give back to the
youth, and give them the gifts they've received, gifts that made them the people
Through their courtship Toni and Hunter learn the same lesson—they learn
to ask for and accept help and that it's safe to rely upon someone other than
themselves, for only as a team can they accomplish their greatest goals.
When I look at the relationship I have with my husband I see the same kind of
differences and similarities. I'm from Brooklyn, he's from rural Western New
York. His family was close knit where as mine put the fun in dysfunctional. His
was very all-American, mine very Italian... the list goes on and on. But when
you get to the meat of the situation, I see that we have the same basic moral
values, and though we seem completely opposite, we're more alike than different.
We come to the same conclusions, we just get there different ways.
So what do you think? Do opposites attract? Are opposites really opposite or are
they just different sides of the same coin?
THREE commenters will win WILD THING
55 comments posted.
Re: Robin Kaye | Do Opposites Attract? Really?
I think that Opposites DO attract...but that they MUST discover some common interests to stay together.
barbbattaglia at yahoo dot com
(Barbara Battaglia 12:39pm December 5, 2011)
I think the biggest attraction between opposites are that they tend to compliment each other in so many ways.
Good luck and happy writing!
(Tracie Travis 1:58am December 5, 2011)
It's like the saying the grass is greener on the other side of the fence ;)
(Darci Paice-Bailey 2:32am December 5, 2011)
I certainly wouldn't like either someone who is completely the opposite of me nor too much like me. I think the complimenting bit would be certainly be necessary--I hate cooking, among other things--but we certainly have to have our basic beliefs, values and talking points the same.
(Sigrun Schulz 2:38am December 5, 2011)
I love the sound of your book and can identify with both characters. I'm pretty much a loner myself, love kids, and enjoy doing what I can for others.
(Sigrun Schulz 2:45am December 5, 2011)
Opposites do attract, but I think that in some cases, two people need to agree
on major life decisions.
Thank you for this opportunity. :)
(Hyunjin Jeon 4:55am December 5, 2011)
Opposites do attract, but not always for long term. Too different & there may be conflict.
(Mary Preston 5:20am December 5, 2011)
I think that opposites do attract, and it certainly does depend on just how "opposite" the people are. There just has to be agreement on many things.
(Marjorie Carmony 7:09am December 5, 2011)
Your book sounds awesome! I was in love with the characters just from your description. Opposites do attract because I never stop talking and my husband says about 5 words a week!
(Renee Pajda 8:03am December 5, 2011)
I definitely think opposites attract. I have many friends who have been married a long time or in a relationship that are opposites and very, very happy
(Shirley Younger 8:22am December 5, 2011)
Definitely!!! The men my daughters married are the polar opposites of them.
(Karen Gervasi 8:45am December 5, 2011)
I do think that certain personality types can attract if they're opposites, such as
an outgoing person and a shy person. Usually, these people will have several
things in common as well, though, underneath the surface, which furthers the
initial attraction. Often we admire things in others that we would like to see in
ourselves, which in my opinion is partly why opposites attract.
(Debbie Burdeen 9:19am December 5, 2011)
Definately opposites do attract!! My husband and I are a perfect example of that!!!
(Dawn Staniszeski 9:45am December 5, 2011)
Being in a relationship with your complete opposite is a roller coaster ride each and every day...ahhh such fun!
(Leticia Arvizu 9:50am December 5, 2011)
I think some opposites do attract. Most people don't want to marry a copy of themselves.... But it can't be total opposite or you'll be fighting the entire time...
(May Pau 10:07am December 5, 2011)
I think opposites attact but it's often short lived--but those with a lot of things in common are the ones that succeed in a relationship.
(Sue Farrell 10:21am December 5, 2011)
@ Barbara - I couldn't agree more. I think they have to have the same moral
compass but everything else is up for grabs...
@ Tracie - Opposites tend to have symbiotic relationships--at least it's that way
with me and my DH.
@ Darci - Exactly, and it's true too!
@ Sigrun - Complimenting is a good thing. I cook, my husband cleans--it
works for us. I'm so glad you can related to Toni and Hunter. I just adore those
@ Ashley - I have to agree with you. Major life decisions are a good thing to
@ Mary - I guess you're right but part of being in a relationship is give and take.
I think if you get that down, you're golden!
@ Margorie --Sometimes opposite is not quite so opposite--just different sides
of the same coin. I like to think that in essentials people are more alike than
@ Renee - I'm so glad you think so. I remember my mother telling me "There's
only room in the mirror for one." In our case, it's there's only room on the
microphone for one. I married a real quiet guy too--but I sometimes wonder if
it's because he can't get a word in edgewise!
@Shirley -- I think if it works, it usually works very well. Or at least it has in my
case (knock wood) we just celebrated our 22nd anniversary a few weeks ago.
@ Karen - That's wonderful, Karen. Isn't it lovely to see your family so happy?
That's the dream I have for my kids--three teenagers just putting their toes into
the dating pool.
@ Debbie -- That's a very good point. I think one of the things that attracted
me so much to my husband (and Hunter for that matter) is that they both were
so comfortable in their own skin, and Toni and I were not.
@ Dawn--Me too, Dawn!
@ Leticia - Maybe you're right. I'm enjoying the ride and I think Toni and Hunter
(Robin Kaye 10:33am December 5, 2011)
@ May - If two people are total opposites, and not just opposite sides of the
same coin, you're probably right, which is why we have a 53% divorce rate.
Luckily Toni and Hunter don't have that problem.
@ Sue - I think there are those with a lot in common that have wonderful
relationships, but I don't think it's a necessity.
(Robin Kaye 10:40am December 5, 2011)
I think opposites can attract, but they have to work to find a common ground.
(Wilma Frana 11:18am December 5, 2011)
I would say it helps to have different strengths that complement each other. Still
common ground is essential.
(Tammy Yenalavitch 11:23am December 5, 2011)
Opposites do attract...my hubby and I are a prime example. He was a 2nd year apprentice steamfitter and I was an elementary education college student. We've worked at growing as a couple. Forty-two years later we are more in love than on our wedding day. Personal growth has made our bond strong!
(Joanne Hicks 12:04pm December 5, 2011)
I think opposites do attract! My husband and I have nothing in common at all. Your book sounds fantastic and I would love to read it.
(Gail Hurt 12:36pm December 5, 2011)
Hi, Robin!! Opposites have attracted each other for as long as I can remember. I've been thinking about people I know, as well as my own marriage, and we're all opposites. As for my marriage, my Husband is a total opposite, yet we learned somehow to get along (most of the time) and exist for 28 years. The few things that we DO agree on wouldn't even be considered important!! We're also very headstrong personalities, so it doesn't help matters any. The only weird thing is that my family used to be very close, but after my Mother passed away, it went to dysfunctional. I found out the hard way that blood isn't thicker than water, and am happier on my own. Have a Merry Christmas, and all the best in the coming Year!!
(Peggy Roberson 12:42pm December 5, 2011)
There may be some obvious ways a couple are opposites, but somehow they compliment each other. They probably have the same basic values.
(Anna Speed 1:43pm December 5, 2011)
Yes I think opposites attraction can be a very good foundation
in a relationship! Building on each others' strengths can be
tricky at times, but very mutually rewarding in the end!
(Robin Weiss 2:19pm December 5, 2011)
Hi Robin! I think that opposites attract, but at heart, they want the same thing. Love, acceptance, frienship, and understanding.
(Cathy Phillips 3:14pm December 5, 2011)
Hi Robin! I think opposites do attract and can have some common interest(s). They may compliment each other in many ways even when one is outgoing and the other a more interverted personality (which can, in time, get the quiet person to open up more during their relationship). Often the other tends to respect and like the others favorite interest/hobbies that they weren't too crazy about.
(Linda Luinstra 3:30pm December 5, 2011)
I think so and these are the relationships I like best. I think if each person can bring a lot to the table and teach their partner something. Although I think for important issues such as belief in love and trust, the couple should be on the same wavelength.
(Na S 3:41pm December 5, 2011)
I believe opposites attract often and sometimes these relationships work very well and sometimes they do not after just a couple years. There has to be love, patience, understanding, trust and give and take to succeed.
(Rich Cook 3:49pm December 5, 2011)
Yes I think they do up to a certain point! It certainly makes
for an interesting relationship, as long as both people are
not completely incompatible! Does that make sense? haha It
does to me : )
(Guylaine Meeks 3:49pm December 5, 2011)
I have seen opposites attract... whether or not they make a great match depends on the people in the relationship... sometimes it works and other times it doesn't...
(Colleen Conklin 4:01pm December 5, 2011)
opposites attract often
(Ann Unger 4:49pm December 5, 2011)
Opposites do attract but some common ground helps in the long run.
(Cheryl McEwen 4:56pm December 5, 2011)
My husband and I are definitely opposites and we have been married 49 years.
The funny thing is that through all those years we have grown and changed and
we now are what the other of us was in the beginning.
(Sandra Spilecki 5:00pm December 5, 2011)
OPPOSITES ATTRACT AND, IF OPEN,CAN COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER TO MAKE A GREAT PAIR!
(Silvana Moscato 5:08pm December 5, 2011)
Congrats again on the book. You're making it hard to resist reading Wild Thing. As for opposites attracting, I think that's in the plan. Husbands and wives should complete each other. It can cause friction but you know what they say about make-up sex....
(Kate Welsh 5:08pm December 5, 2011)
I think opposites do attract but I'm not sure they will always last in the long term. You need the initial spark but if the couple doesn't have anything in common they may not stay together. Congrats on the new release!
(Stacie Deramo 5:19pm December 5, 2011)
I think opposites attract but only because they are not totally opposite. Though some differences in personality add spice to their lives! Great story!
(Judith Mor 5:56pm December 5, 2011)
Yes they do but they must have some things in common or I don't give too much hope for the relationship to last.
(Pat Lieberman 6:07pm December 5, 2011)
I think they do, but it depends on the couple if they stay together; both may need to compromise.
(Helen Livermore 6:21pm December 5, 2011)
opposites do attract and that makes ever thing even out!!
(Jennifer Beck 8:01pm December 5, 2011)
Oppossites do attract and both get to learn and experience things due to the differences.
(Mary Chin 8:25pm December 5, 2011)
My husband and I are definite opposites but we've been married 42 years - it's not always easy but it's never boring lol.
(Jeanne Sheats 8:56pm December 5, 2011)
I believe opposites attract and they usually balance the other person. They are not total opposites but have something the other needs to feel complete.
(Patti Paonessa 9:30pm December 5, 2011)
A couple can be opposite in some outward things, but they
probably need agreement on core values, or else they won't
last real long.
(Diane Sallans 10:11pm December 5, 2011)
I think it is opposite sides of the same coin!
(Jennifer Beyer 10:13pm December 5, 2011)
The whole opposites thing is used often in books. As different as we are on the
outside, deep down we all want the same thing - to be safe, loved, and
Thanks for an interesting post.
(Patricia Barraclough 11:02pm December 5, 2011)
I think that opposites do attract to some degree; almost like the opposing poles on a magnet. But there has to be a degree of sameness there for the attraction to live on.
(Angelina Daniels-Shaw 11:28pm December 5, 2011)
I do see that instead of opposites, or same, people are sometimes different sides of the same coin. Intesting.
(Lisa Kendall 11:45pm December 5, 2011)
Opposites may attract and cause fireworks, but I don't believe they will remain together unless BOTH parties are very good at compromising and thinking of each other's feelings.
(Susan Stevens 12:20pm December 6, 2011)
I think that there has to be some "opposite-ness" (don't know if that is a word - LOL) yet some basic same-ness too - a bit of both to keep things going.
(Felicia Ciaudelli 9:01am December 6, 2011)
Opposites can attract if they learn to respect the strengths and weaknesses of
one another. Only then can they "work" together toward a lasting relationship.
(Connie Fischer 2:08pm December 6, 2011)
Your last statement says it all - I don't think the attraction is really opposite, but different sides of the same coin
(Joyce Bruner 2:26pm December 6, 2011)
I think opposites do attract as long as they have the same core values. If they are too opposite the initial attraction will probably turn to dislike.
(Anne Muller 2:51pm December 7, 2011)
Opposites attract pretty much because of the other person being able to do and think about doing things you can't. Unpredictablity occurs because opposites have different intentions and motivations for the actions they pursue.
(Alyson Widen 1:40pm December 10, 2011)
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