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Tannen takes on mother-daughter relationships and communications
Random House
January 2006
288 pages ISBN: 1400062586 Hardcover
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Non-Fiction | Self-Help Relationships
Deborah Tannen's #1 New York Times bestseller You Just Don’t
Understand revolutionized communication between women and
men. Now, in her most provocative and engaging book to date,
she takes on what is potentially the most fraught and
passionate connection of women’s lives: the mother-daughter
relationship. It was Tannen who first showed us that men and women speak
different languages. Mothers and daughters speak the same
language–but still often misunderstand each other, as they
struggle to find the right balance between closeness and
independence. Both mothers and daughters want to be seen for
who they are, but tend to see the other as falling short of
who she should be. Each overestimates the other’s power and
underestimates her own. Why do daughters complain that their mothers always
criticize, while mothers feel hurt that their daughters shut
them out? Why do mothers and daughters critique each other
on the Big Three–hair, clothes, and weight–while longing for
approval and understanding? And why do they scrutinize each
other for reflections of themselves? Deborah Tannen answers these and many other questions as she
explains why a remark that would be harmless coming from
anyone else can cause an explosion when it comes from your
mother or your daughter. She examines every aspect of this
complex dynamic, from the dark side that can shadow a woman
throughout her life, to the new technologies like e-mail and
instant messaging that are transforming mother-daughter
communication. Most important, she helps mothers and
daughters understand each other, the key to improving their
relationship. With groundbreaking insights, pitch-perfect dialogues, and
deeply moving memories of her own mother, Tannen untangles
the knots daughters and mothers can get tied up in. Readers
will appreciate Tannen’s humor as they see themselves on
every page and come away with real hope for breaking down
barriers and opening new lines of communication. Eye-opening
and heartfelt, You’re Wearing That? illuminates and enriches
one of the most important relationships in our lives.
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