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The Secrets Of Surviving Infidelity
Scott Haltzman
The Johns Hopkins University Press
May 2013
On Sale: April 23, 2013
312 pages ISBN: 1421409429 EAN: 9781421409429 Paperback
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Non-Fiction
Along with changes in the workplace and the explosive growth
of electronic communications, there has been a skyrocketing
rate of infidelity. Today, up to forty percent of American
marriages endure the pain of a cheating partner. The media
is filled with stories of married politicians finding their
"soul mates" and titillating instances of unfaithful
celebrities. But in the homes of ordinary people everywhere,
infidelity triggers complex emotions and events that affect
everyone involved. Many marriage and personal therapists
have adopted a "me first" mentality, prompting hurt spouses
to end their relationships. Psychiatrist Scott Haltzman,
retired Brown University professor, recommends exactly the
opposite. The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity
teaches both the victim and the perpetrator of infidelity
how to acknowledge their feelings, reduce their sense of
despair, and begin the difficult task of rebuilding a strong
relationship. People who cheat act much like those who
have other addictions, and brain scans of love-struck
individuals show a dramatic increase in the release of
dopamine, the same brain neurochemical associated with
cocaine abuse. Haltzman does not excuse infidelity by
labeling it a sex addiction; it’s not orgasm that drives a
partner to cheat. Instead, Haltzman coins the term "flame
addiction" to describe how, like a moth drawn to the light,
people feel compelled to have extramarital intimacy despite
all the negative consequences. People who have been
cheated on feel shame, rage, and injured self-esteem. Many
of them fear abandonment and find it hard to cope. When both
partners have made a commitment to move forward together,
however, Dr. Haltzman validates each person's feelings and
puts them into perspective, offering sound advice on how to
recover their equilibrium and reestablish a committed,
trust-filled relationship.
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