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The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We Are
Doubleday
January 2013
On Sale: January 15, 2013
288 pages ISBN: 0385535430 EAN: 9780385535434 Kindle: B009UBQU04 Hardcover / e-Book
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Self-Help Relationships
Discover the unexpected ways friends influence our
personalities, choices, emotions, and even physical health
in this fun and compelling examination of friendship, based
on the latest scientific research and ever-relatable anecdotes. Why is dinner with friends often more laughter filled and
less fraught than a meal with family? Although some say it’s
because we choose our friends, it’s also because we expect
less of them than we do of relatives. While we’re busy
scrutinizing our romantic relationships and family dramas,
our friends are quietly but strongly influencing everything
from the articles we read to our weight fluctuations, from
our sex lives to our overall happiness levels. Evolutionary psychologists have long theorized that
friendship has roots in our early dependence on others for
survival. These days, we still cherish friends but tend to
undervalue their role in our lives. However, the skills one
needs to make good friends are among the very skills that
lead to success in life, and scientific research has
recently exploded with insights about the meaningful and
enduring ways friendships influence us. With people marrying
later—and often not at all—and more families having just one
child, these relationships may be gaining in importance. The
evidence even suggests that at times friends have a greater
hand in our development and well-being than do our romantic
partners and relatives. Friends see each other through the process of growing up,
shape each other’s interests and outlooks, and, painful
though it may be, expose each other’s rough edges. Childhood
and adolescence, in particular, are marked by the need to
create distance between oneself and one’s parents while
forging a unique identity within a group of peers, but
friends continue to influence us, in ways big and small,
straight through old age. Perpetually busy parents who turn to friends—for
intellectual stimulation, emotional support, and a good dose
of merriment—find a perfect outlet to relieve the pressures
of raising children. In the office setting, talking to a
friend for just a few minutes can temporarily boost one’s
memory. While we romanticize the idea of the lone genius,
friendship often spurs creativity in the arts and sciences.
And in recent studies, having close friends was found to
reduce a person’s risk of death from breast cancer and
coronary disease, while having a spouse was not. Friendfluence surveys online-only pals, friend breakups, the
power of social networks, envy, peer pressure, the dark side
of amicable ties, and many other varieties of friendship.
Told with warmth, scientific rigor, and a dash of humor,
Friendfluence not only illuminates and interprets the
science but draws on clinical psychology and philosophy to
help readers evaluate and navigate their own important
friendships.
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