Bullsh*t Wisdom About Love, Life And Comedy
Simon & Schuster
On Sale: October 13, 2009
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IN WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY?, Susie Essman sheds the crasser
layers to reveal how she went from an anxiety-ridden,
struggling stand-up comic to being one of the funniest women
on television, playing Susie Greene on HBO's Curb Your
Emerging as one of the most successful performers in her
field, Essman goes behind the scenes of a life in comedy
with her funny cohorts, including Joy Behar, Rodney
Dangerfield, and, of course, Jeff Garlin and Larry David,
while also providing side-splittingly funny wisdom on a
range of topics that she's highly unqualified to expound
upon, including men, sports, hypochondria, and step-parenthood.
WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY ABOUT...MARRIAGE?"
It took me a long
time to find the man I was willing to commit myself to. Even
the word commit is troublesome. One is committed to a mental
"MEN WITH DOGS?"
As a dog lover, I've researched many
different breeds and I've begun to realize that you can tell
a lot about a person by what breed of dog they choose to
associate with. A bit self-conscious about your cellulite? A
guy with a shar-pei is for you. They're hard to find, but
cheaper than lipo."
THE BEAUTY OF MENOPAUSE?
"I guess I just have to accept
the fact that I'm going to end up a bald, fat, sweaty,
irritable woman with a dry vagina and a full beard who never
sleeps and has memory loss so I won't even be able to
remember how hot I used to look!
My mother used to tell me 'you can't
buy your kids'love.' Bullshit. You can, and it's
exponential. They're like Russian mail-order brides -- the
more you spend, the more they love you."
WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY? is Essman's irreverent, refreshingly
candid, and hilarious retort to the dubious facts of life
that we all face.
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